It was a cold, February morn in the small town of Corry, Pennsylvania where a man was in the Corry Public Library looking for a book on hypnotism. He planned on hypnotizing someone in this town to bring to him the man who had put his best friend in jail – Special Agent Jon Zinger – once he had Zinger, he would kill him. He had broken his best friend out of jail less than a month prior. He cursed Zinger under his breath as he searched the aisles at the library.

He finally found the section on hypnotism - there was a yellow book that caught his eye. It was called Hypnotism for Dummies by Danny Kaye. He quickly yanked it from the shelf and opened it up. There were 500 pages in this book - it would take him several hours if he really inhaled it. He had just taken a speed reading class the week before in preparation for this challenge. He had to get someone to kill Zinger.

He quickly walked into the restroom and closed the door. Once inside, he pulled out his knife and cut open the bar code sticker on the back of the book. He removed the metal plate which was inside and dropped it down the sink drain. He then put the book in his backpack and slowly walked towards the front door. No one was paying any attention to him as he passed the front desk. He walked through the security scanners at the front of the library – they made no sound as he passed – he then opened the door to the library and exited the building.

He got into a black station wagon that was parked near the front of the library and inserted the key into the ignition. He then pulled out of the parking lot and drove off toward his hideout, where he could read the book in greater detail.

An Old Friend

Special Agent Jon Zinger was eating taco salad at Marlene's Restaurant with his friend Charles Smith, who had become a nationally renowned evangelist. He was preaching a week-long Revival at Corry Baptist Church the next week – Corry Baptist Church was now known for it's Revival meetings in February. In Corry, one would normally think it absolute idiocy to hold a Revival meeting in February, but Corry Baptist Church held them quite often, and they were very successful.

'Well Jon, how's the special agent business been going for you lately?' questioned Charles. 'I hear that it's been a couple of years since you've had any major cases – other than last year when there was an uprising of the girls in Corry protesting the lack of ketchup on our burgers.'

'Well,' said Zinger. 'I was in China at the time investigating a shortage in straws – for some reason China stopped sending us straws and, as everyone knows, we are entirely dependent upon China for our national supply of straws. But while I was over there, I got a call from the chief informing me of more urgent news back home, so I immediately contacted Alfred and he flew me out that very afternoon.

'When I finally got to Corry, the situation had become dire – McDonald's had become overrun with insurgent females demanding more ketchup. Interestingly enough, they seemed to be completely disinterested about the eminent lack of straws. I rushed in through the back door, grabbed a bottle of ketchup, and squirted it all over the main floor. Before long, all of the girls were on the floor licking up the ketchup. I had to arrest them one by one and lock them up until the morning when they had eaten their fill of ketchup. McDonald's closed down for an entire week to give their workers time off to recover from their emotional distress. Yes, that truly was one of the darker days of Corry, Pennsylvania.'

'The Great Ketchup War of Corry, eh Jon?' smirked Charles. 'Where were Rachel and Toast during all of this?'

'Well, I found out later that they, and a few other ketchup-indifferent girls were at home enjoying ketchup-deficient foods.'

'Ah, weren't they the intelligent ones,' mused Charles.

'I believe that you had just been out of Bible college for a year when that happened, had you not?' Charles nodded. 'Well, had the Lord called me into the ministry as he did with you, I'd have answered the call as well. But as it is, He called me to protect Corry, Pennsylvania as a special agent and to be a missionary of sorts in Corry. I've had several that I've won to Christ as a result of my work here. And in a way, I'm glad that God called me to be a special agent rather than a preacher, yet in a way I'd rather be a preacher. I'm sure the ministry is much harder then any form of law enforcement, but the blessings are literally out of this world. How has the ministry been for you lately, Charles?'

'Well,' answered Charles. 'About two years after I went to Bible college, God blessed me with a wonderful, and beautiful girlfriend, whom I married as soon as I graduated, which was in May 2008. I see that you still haven't found yourself a woman, Jon – God help us all. Well, Mildred had twins last February, and we named them Jack and Eddie. And this past November, she had another child, whom we called Cindy.'

'Well, that's good, Charles – I'm glad that one of us is multiplying. You know, it's getting late – wow! It's 9:00 already. I'd better get home and go to bed. You'd better go home and get to bed too, so you can wake up early tomorrow and study for next week.'

'Yes, you're right, Jon,' agreed Charles as he ate the last chicken finger. 'I still need to finish one more sermon. Well, good night Jon.'

'Toodle-pip, Charles,' said Zinger as he walked out of the restaurant and approached his 26" NEXT Mountain Bike Hidalgo. He had ridden Silver for seven years, which is very old for a bicycle, so he needed to retire him and buy himself a new bicycle. He had bought one of the same size, color, and make as Silver had been and had been using that for a few months. He mounted Hidalgo and shouted, 'Hi-yo, Sil-uh, I mean, Hidalgo, away!' - he then rode off home.

So It Begins

The man who had stolen the book on hypnotism from the library donned a full black cloak and a hood to disguise himself. He then put on a mask to make him appear as an ancient old man – he had read the book; now to find a proper subject. 'Hmm,' thought the man as he emerged from his hideout. 'I remember my friend talking about a 'Fellowship of the Nate' which would come and help Zinger whenever he was in a jam. I believe there were five members if I've done my studying right - the boss was this Nate guy - about 6'1, he said - heavy build, short brown hair and glasses. The second one was RJ - about 5'10, medium build, glasses, short black hair. Then there was Rachel – about 5'4, small build, shoulder-length brown hair. Then there's Toast: about the same height as Rachel, petite build, hair color you could never depend on – always making weird facial expressions. And the newest member was Matt, but Zinger always called him Charlie Brown. He was about 5'4, large build, brown hair – jolly happy fellow. Now it would be wise to catch me one of these people, who are obviously Zinger's closest friends, to hypnotize to capture him. Then it would be much easier to kill him.'

The man got into his car and opened the picture album that his friend had given him – pictures of Zinger and the Fellowship of the Nate. He wanted to be sure that he didn't get the wrong person. As he drove down the road, he spotted someone who was the spitting image of Matt, but upon further examination, it was not him at all. Then after a while he saw a girl with dark brown hair riding her bike down an alley – it was Rachel. He had to catch her to hypnotize her. One of the star members of the Fellowship of the Nate – she would do very well in capturing Zinger. She had always done very well against his best friend and his allies.

The man drove like fury to the other side of the alley where Rachel would emerge. He stopped his car near the end of the alley and waited for her to approach. When she got near, he stepped out in front of her, forcing her to stop her bike. As soon as she stopped, he pulled out a pocket-watch that he had stolen and began to swing it in front of her face.

'Watch the pocket-watch,' he commanded her. 'See only the pocket-watch.' As her eyes swung back and forth following the pocket-watch, he said, 'You know Special Agent Jon Zinger – you must capture him – he put my best friend in prison, and I just broke him out.'

'I'll bite that stupid watch if you don't stop waving it in front of my face,' she growled, still following the watch with her eyes.

'You are under my command now,' cackled the old man. 'I am the Emperor, your master – you must choose for yourself a villainous name – what shall it be?'

'I shall be da Pecok!' declared Rachel. 'What is thy bidding, my master?'

'You must capture Zinger – he will be arriving at work tomorrow morning.'

'His mind has been quite pressured lately,' she informed him.

'Are you sure?' queried the Emperor.

'I have felt him, my master.'

'Strange that I have not – I wonder if your feelings on this matter are clear, Lord Pecok.'

'They are clear, my master.'

'Good, then you must go to Bowl-Aire Lanes tomorrow morning and await him,' commanded the Emperor with yet another cackle.

'He will come to me?' questioned Rachel with doubt.

'I have foreseen it,' informed the Emperor. 'His compassion for you will be his undoing – he will come to you and then you will bring him before me.'

'As you wish,' responded Rachel.

Tongue Twisters

Special Agent Jon Zinger awoke from a much-needed night's rest at 6:00 AM and did all of his preliminary morning things. At 6:40 he headed out the door, mounted Hidalgo and took off for work. When he got there, he could not find the Chief – he looked everywhere for him. Then the office phone rang – Zinger rushed to answer it. 'Zinger.'

'Oh Zinger, thank God you're there – this is the Chief. I'm being held hostage down here at Bowl-Aire Lanes. Rick Holton, the guy in charge here, is being held hostage too. We have not been allowed to inform you as to who it is that is holding us hostage, but this villain requests your presence. Don't come, Zinger – it's a trap.'

'I am sorry, Chief,' Zinger said. 'But I must come, trap or no. It is my duty to defend and to protect. I'll be there in a moment – Zinger out.'

Zinger exited the office and mounted Hidalgo in a hurry. 'Ready when you are, brother,' he told the bike. After he rounded the corner, he said 'Let 'Er Buck!' and took off. He approached the bowling alley five minutes later, at approximately 7:10.

The bowling alley was not usually open at this time, but the kidnapper had left it open especially for Zinger. He walked into the side entrance of the bowling alley and began to look around to find where they might be. He quickly found that they were not in the Pro Shop, the arcade section, or the kitchen.

Zinger then noticed that all of the bowling machines were on and running with the pins set up – there was even someone bowling on Lane 9. He realized that they must be in the back of the bowling alley, behind the machines. He had been back there many times, over ten years earlier when his father had been the mechanic. Thus, he knew the basic geography of everything. When he got back there, he turned left and began to walk by the machines toward the other side. He heard noises far ahead of him. He began to walk faster, until he came to Lane 5 and he saw the Chief and Rick Holton. That lane had been turned off, and they were tied and gagged inside the back of the machine. Zinger rushed in through the pinwheel onto the carpet and untied the ropes and gags.

'Hey Tiger,' said Rick urgently. 'Thank goodness you're here – the villain walked in here about half an hour ago with the Chief tied and gagged. She then pulled a gun on me, and then tied and gagged me.'

'Who is it that's holding you hostage,' inquired Zinger.

'By order of the villain, I am not at liberty to discuss it at this time,' replied Rick.

'Zinger,' commanded the Chief. 'You'd better get over there and confront that blackguard. She's in the back room over there by Lane 8 waiting for you.'

''Alright, Chief, you'd better get yourselves out of here – I suggest that you go out that way, on the ball-return so you won't be force to walk by the room the villain's in.'

Zinger then walked over to the back room where the Chief had told him that the villain was, turned, and stepped up into the room. When he saw who the evildoer was, he was stunned. 'Rachel?!'

Rachel walked up to Zinger and spoke, 'You're pathetically predictable – like a moth to the flame.'

'Why in the world are you doing this?' questioned Zinger in disbelief.

'I am da Pecok! I hate you, I loathe you, I despise you,' she said as she slapped him.

'I don't blame you, but you've never said anything of the sort before,' said Zinger.

'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,' Rachel declared.

'Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers?,' requested Zinger. 'If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where is the peck of pickled peppers that he picked?'

'Betty Botter,' began Rachel, 'had some butter, "But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If I make this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter--that would make my batter better."

'So,' she continued, 'she bought a bit of butter, better than her bitter butter, and she baked it in her batter, and the batter was not bitter. So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.'

'Ah,' said Zinger. 'Who wants to eat cake made with bitter batter? She was right to buy some better butter. Or she could have flashed some cash for Mrs. Dash. I've got one for you: 'The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle – the flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true.'

'Wimp,' scoffed Rachel. 'Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously, for Moses, he knowses his toeses ain't roses, and Moses supposes his toeses to be.'

'Now you've lost me,' admitted Zinger.

'Good,' said Rachel as she landed a punch right on his jaw, knocking him out of the doorway, throwing his head into the pinwheel of one Lane 9. There was a slight dent in the pinwheel as a result of Rachel's blow. She approached the pinwheel with sorrow and touched the dent. 'Oh, it breaks the heart.'

'And the head,' remarked Zinger. 'It hit my head, you know.'

'I'll never forgive myself,' lamented Rachel.

'Oh, come on – I'm alright.'

'Thank God. It's repairable,' she said, never turning her attention from the pinwheel. She then turned and hit Zinger again, this time sending him onto the carpet inside of Lane 9. Zinger scrambled for a moment, trying to get out of the machine, but the carpet continued to pull him inward. He glanced behind him, noticing that there was a bowling ball heading towards the pins. The man who was bowling had been hired to do so by Rachel herself.

Just before the ball hit the pins, Rachel reached inside the machine and grabbed Zinger's hand. She pulled him out just before the pins reached where he had just been. He stood for a moment, listening to the deafening rumble, thinking what may have become of him had she not pulled him out. 'Thanks,' he finally said.

No sooner than he had said that, she kicked him in the face. 'Why don't you hit back, you coward?' she requested defiantly.

'No, I won't do it,' he said while holding his jaw. 'I shall not strike a girl.'

Rachel reached into the pinwheel and pulled out a bowling pin – she struck him on the head with it, rendering him unconscious. 'Now I must bring him to the Emperor,' she said as she threw him over her shoulder and walked towards the high door near Lane 19. She opened the door and threw him out, then jumped out herself. She then picked him up again and got into a car she had parked there, and drove off towards Roger's Structural Steel.

Confrontation With Evil

Rachel pulled up to Roger's Structural Steel about five minutes later, and got out of the car. She opened the back door to the car, picked Zinger up, and threw him over her shoulder. She walked over to the front door, opened it, and walked inside. 'I have him, my master.'

'Revive him, shall you?' requested the Emperor.

Rachel took a bucket of water, and dumped it on Zinger's head. He awoke with a gasp and sat up. 'I know this place. I've been here before. This is the old Roger's Structural Steel building. And who are you?' he asked the old man.

'I am the Emperor, for whom da Pecok is working. You put my best friend in prison, and I just broke him out. Now I am going to exact my revenge upon you, my enemy. Go get my pocket-watch for me, my young apprentice,' he commanded Rachel.

'Yes, my master,' she responded as she went to the other room to get his pocket-watch that he used to hypnotize her. Zinger noticed that he was using his left hand to direct her with, while his left hand was buried in his cloak.

'Wait just a moment, Emperor,' commanded Zinger. 'Do you mean to tell me that you hypnotized Rachel so that you could kill me?'

'Yes, young Metzinger, that would be correct. You imprisoned my best friend, and I just broke him out not four nights ago. Now you will wish that you had never been born.'

At that moment Rachel returned with the pocket-watch and gave it to the Emperor. 'There you are, my master.'

'Thank you, my young apprentice. Now I am going to hypnotize young Metzinger.'

'But I thought you were going to kill him,' protested Rachel.

'I had planned on it, my very young apprentice, but I have thought of a better use for him. There are many things worse than death.'

'You can say that again, Emperor,' agreed Zinger. 'If I die, I go to heaven, and that's the best thing that can happen to me.'

'As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, there are things worse than death. Before long, I will complete your training. Soon you will call me master.'

'You are gravely mistaken.'

'Oh no, my young Zinger, I think that you'll find it is you who are mistaken – about a great many things. Turning to Rachel, he continued, 'I am going to hypnotize him so that he will ruin his life. I will tell him to kill other people, rob banks, play for the Cowboys, vote for the greater of the two evils. That is the ultimate revenge – when it is all over, he will wish that he had never been born.'

'I see, my master,' agreed Rachel.

'Any last requests, young Metzinger?' asked the Emperor.

'Yes, your lowness, I request that I would be allowed to go into the corner and pray to my God for a few moments.'

'Alright, request granted,' said the Emperor. 'I don't see any harm in it. Go off, and pray to your God, then. I'll send her over in a few minutes to bring you back.'

Zinger then went off into the corner and began to pray. 'Dear Lord, I thank You for this good day and I thank You for my job as a special agent. I thank You for my friends and I thank You for all of the times that they have helped me to solve my cases and to defeat the villains. Lord, please help me in this situation – I have no idea how You can get me out of it, but I know that You can and that you know how. Lord, please, in Jesus' name, Amen.'

At that moment Rachel pinched his shoulder, signaling for him to stand up. 'Zinger, it is time.'

The End... Or So It Seems

'Well,' said Zinger. 'I suppose that we'd better get moving.' At that moment the door opened and light flowed in. Zinger covered his eyes in an attempt to block out the blinding light.

What Zinger heard next was not at all what he was expecting – it was a familiar voice saying, 'We are the Fellowship of the Nate!'

'Nate!' said Zinger in surprise. 'There's no real villain to conquer – I've already got that taken care of. The only villain is Billy Bob, and I just led him to the Lord.'

'Whoa!' exclaimed Nate. 'Did I just hear you right? Did you say that Billy Bob just got saved?'

'Yes,' affirmed Zinger. 'Billy Bob hypnotized Rachel so that she would bring me to him. He was going to kill me, but changed his mind and decided to hypnotize me to humiliate myself and turn to the dark side. But I prayed and asked God to help and He did, for just when Billy Bob was about to hypnotize me, he broke down and began to weep. The Lord just stepped in there and broke him down. That reminds me of the verse in Jeremiah 23:39 where it likens the Word of God to a hammer that breaks the rock into pieces. When someone is trying to break a rock with a hammer, you can't tell that it is almost broken until it is fully broken. There is no evidence that it will break until it does break.'

'Wow, that is awesome,' said Nate. 'I was wondering where Rachel was, because she never came with us for the Fellowship of the Nate. All that we have is Charlie Brown, and Toast. As you know, RJ has retired from the Fellowship of the Nate and become a famous Hollywood producer and is now in production of PANDA~MAN 2, filming right here in the streets of Corry.'

'Yes, I remember,' said Zinger. 'I played the part of a primary villain in the first one – until Klace came along, that is. Well, I just want to celebrate!' At that moment all of them put their arms on each other's shoulders and began to sing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead. As they sang, they kicked their legs up in the air in unison, alternating legs.

'Ding dong, the witch is dead - which old witch? The wicked witch. Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!'

'Don't you mean the Emperor?' questioned Billy Bob.

'I suppose you could say that,' agreed Zinger. 'From a certain point of view.'

At this point the door creaked open once again. 'Why doesn't anybody knock anymore?' questioned Billy Bob.

'I am the Polka Dot,' said a man at the door as he walked in from the bright sunlight. 'Brr, it sure is cold out there. I'm glad the sun is out – I wouldn't be able to take it wearin' shorts and a tank top if it weren't.'

'Hey look,' said Billy Bob. 'It's the Dot who does the Polka!'

'That's not very nice, Billy Bob. I was thinkin' about havin' mercy on you, and only killin' Zinger and the Fellowship of the Nate, but after that comment, I'm gonna kill you too. Come on in, boys!' At that command, twenty-five very muscular thugs as well as Alex the Abominable and his friend Drew walked in the door behind the Polka Dot. They were also wearing shorts and tank tops. 'Ready, boys?'

'Ready, sir!' they responded as they prepared to charge.

Tumultuous Turbulence

'Chaaaaaaaaaarge!' commanded the Polka Dot. The twenty-five thugs charged forward towards the 6 heroes.

'Good grief!' said Charlie Brown, also known as Matt Hulings. He picked up a large 2x4 and began to whack some thugs over the head with it. 'Where in the world is Snoopy when I need him?'

'Oh shut up, you blockhead,' joked Rachel as she grabbed Alex the Abominable in a headlock, spun him around and slammed him on the ground. She then gave him an elbow drop, causing him a lot of pain.

'I am not your father,' said Zinger as he kicked one of the thugs in the jaw, knocking him to the ground. 'It is not your destiny – you should have a very bad feeling about this.'

'I am the Nate and I am that dang stupid!' said the Nate as he began to head-butt the villains, rendering them unconscious. 'Remember, I am the master of stupidity, the king of procrastination, and a bonehead by nature!'

Billy Bob was using the hook on his right hand to his advantage, pinching the noses of the thugs and twisting them around. This caught them off guard, so he was able punch them hard in the solar plexus with his left hand.

Toast excused herself from the battle and approached the Polka Dot, who was just sitting down and relaxing on a chair near the door while drinking some vodka. 'Hiya, Uncle Vodka – you know that's hazardous to your health.'

'Whoop-de-doo and badda bing!' scoffed the Polka Dot. 'Why should you care about my blankety-blank health, you hair-dyin' hypocrite!'

'You know what, Uncle Vodka? You're making me crispy, and I just may have to toast you soon if you don't watch out. And trust me, you'll have a real high fever after I'm done toasting you – I'd say 110° Fahrenheit. Could result in brain damage, you know.'

'Oh, yeah? Well missy, I don't care how much brain damage I get, I'll still have more brains than you do. You are really gettin' on my nerves, you know that? I'm not gonna hang around here while you annoy the Clinton out of me.' At that the Polka Dot turned and walked out the door, but he tripped over Toast's motor scooter, which was right outside of the door, and fell into a bear trap, which she had rigged for him.

'I guess that's a bear trap for the police,' said Toast. She walked back inside and watched as the battle ensued. 'This is better than DVD!' Drew was still standing, as well as another thug, whom Nate was throttling at that very moment.

Rachel grabbed Drew by the shirt collar and threw him against the wall. 'Wait!' Drew gasped. 'I didn't mean it! I'm sorry – the Polka Dot promised me wealth and fame, and free cable for one month. I don't want to fight you, Rachel – I don't want to die!'

'Alright, quit your whimpering,' said Rachel reluctantly as she set Drew down. Jon called the Chief on his cell phone, requested that an ambulance and police cars be sent down and then, knelt down to pray.

The End... For Real

After the ambulance had shown up and taken the thugs off to the hospital, and the police cars had taken Drew and the Polka Dot, Zinger tried to help Billy Bob to realize that he still had to go to prison. 'You do realize, Billy Bob, that you still have to go to jail, even though you forsook the dark side and joined the good, don't you?'

'Yes, Zinger – I realize that I must face the consequences of my actions. I tried to kill Jed Clampett back when I was 18, and I did kill James Cornelius Krenzel back when I was 28, broke out of prison three times, hijacked a car from Aunt May, kidnapped Kody Corbett, hypnotized Rachel, and caused all sorts of Purgatory for you. Yes, Zinger, I do realize that I need to go to jail. Oh, by the way, make sure that you return the book that I stole from the library, Hypnotism for Dummies by Danny Kaye.'

'I shall do that, Billy Bob. And I'll be sure to come and visit you in prison quite often and show you how to follow the Lord. If you show some of the other convicts how to be saved, then I'll come by and preach at you regularly. Well, the police are waiting for you, Billy Bob – you'd better get in the car. Now swear to me that you'll never try to break out of jail again. Put your right hand on the Bible and repeat after me,' said Zinger as he pulled his New Testament out. 'I, Billy Bob.'

'I, Billy Bob.'

'Do solemnly swear.'

'Do solemnly swear.'

'To never again attempt to escape from prison.'

'To never again attempt to escape from prison.'

'Good, Billy Bob, and you'd better keep that promise. Well, you'd better get in the car before the policeman gets impatient. Well, toodle-pip, Billy Bob, and God bless.'

'Toodle-pip, Zinger,' said Billy Bob as he got into the car. 'I'll see you again soon,' said Billy Bob just before the car took off.

'I'll be praying for you, Billy Bob,' said Zinger in a low tone as the car drove off down the road. He then turned back towards Roger's Structural Steel and his friends as they stood there, watching him say farewell to Billy Bob. 'Well Rachel, I'd better get over to the hospital to make sure that you didn't give me a concussion.'

'I'm sorry,' said Rachel. 'Can you ever forgive me?'

'I have already forgiven you – besides, you were hypnotized. By the way, try not to say sorry too much – it's okay once in a while, when it is your fault, but you say it too much.'

'Sorry,' said Rachel.

'Please don't say that again,' requested Zinger with a laugh.

'Alright,' said Rachel.

'Well, toodle-pip, all of you. Thank you so very much for all of your help. I'm going to go back inside to kneel down and pray – it's cold out here. Why don't all of you get back home? Or see how RJ's doing with PANDA-MAN 2.' As they began to leave on their bikes and Toast on her motor scooter, Zinger went inside the building and knelt down to pray.

'Dear Lord,' he began. 'I thank You for this wonderful day, and I thank You for friends such as Nate, Rachel, Toast, and Charlie Brown, and I thank You for sending them today just in time. I also thank You for speaking to Billy Bob's heart today and for saving his soul. I thank You for giving me a new friend today in Billy Bob. I thank You that I was able to solve the case today with Your help. Help me to remember to pray more often, in Jesus' name, Amen.'